The Disgraceful Lord Gray Read online

  ‘I suppose I could linger a little longer.’ Utter madness, but his feet were already making their way towards her. ‘Keep Impetuous Thea on the straight and narrow.’

  Gray sat, self-conscious and riddled with inappropriate lust, and decided the most sensible course of action was to change the subject back to what he was supposed to be doing. ‘I wonder why Bertie rushed back? Do you suppose he was summoned by your uncle?’

  ‘Uncle Edward isn’t one to make demands.’ She sat back on her hands, staring up at the dappled sunshine. The pose did wonders for her figure and served to further torture him. ‘I think it’s lovely that Cedric and Harriet have found one another don’t you? I hope they make a go of it.’ Her eyes flicked to his. ‘In case you haven’t already guessed, and despite my justified suspicion of fortune hunters, I’m a romantic at heart. I believe in true love. I know that you are jaded from the experience, but I like to believe that there is the perfect someone for everyone. I’m glad Harriet has been given a second chance.’ She took his silence as disagreement. ‘Don’t you believe in second chances?’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘Just not for you.’ She tilted her face back towards the sun, making the obligatory loose tendrils of hair glow copper and gold to torment him. ‘Because your heart cannot mend.’

  ‘It’s mended enough.’ Unstable ground. ‘But it’s too scarred to risk again.’

  ‘Liar.’ She smiled up at the sky. ‘At least be honest about it. This has nothing to do with the current state of your heart and everything to do with your silly fear history will repeat itself. You’re no different from me for all your bold claims you like to live in the moment and leave it all up to fate. You claim to be full of life. Claim to embrace all its twists and turns and potholes and peculiarities, yet when you find a woman you are drawn to on a far deeper level than you care to admit—your words, Gray, not mine—you create boundaries and silly truces to guard your precious heart. You’re a hypocrite. One who is too frightened to live life to the full.’

  ‘You wouldn’t understand.’ And they were not having this conversation. He shot to his feet, not caring whether or not he looked outraged, because he was, damn it. This conversation crossed a line. He was not going to discuss them. They were friends. Nothing more. He couldn’t allow there to be more. ‘I need to get back.’

  ‘Go ahead. Run away.’ She was smiling wryly, but otherwise seemingly unbothered by his response. ‘You’re very good at that. But before you go, at least listen to some advice. It’s good advice. Yours, in fact.’ She sat forward and sighed, then smiled kindly, her dark eyes filled with an emotion he couldn’t decipher. ‘You were twenty. It’s a dangerous age. You think you know everything, when in fact you are barely an adult. I should imagine what Cecily did, to someone with a vivid imagination like yours, would give you an irrational fear of trusting a woman ever again. But what you had with Cecily was one-sided. You loved her and the awful reality is she didn’t love you enough back.’

  ‘I know what the awful reality was, Thea. I lived it. And with the greatest respect, it is a subject you have little experience of. You have never been in love so are not in a position to offer me advice.’ His hands had fisted at his sides and his poor damaged heart was thumping in his chest. He turned on his heel and began to stride out of the suffocating intimacy of the clearing and the perilous turn in an otherwise pleasant conversation.

  ‘Then I suppose this odd feeling I have for you doesn’t count?’ At her words his feet stopped and those invisible cords forced him to turn around. She was stood now, proud but vulnerable. And more beautiful and tempting than he had ever seen her. ‘The excitement I feel every time I see you. The overwhelming sense of rightness I feel when I’m with you. The affection. The friendship. The desire. You say I have no experience, but this...’ both her hands went to her chest to cover her heart ‘...this certainly feels like what I’ve always imagined love would feel like.’

  ‘Stop.’ Although there was no conviction in his words. She loved him? Instead of making him want to run away, it tempted him to run to her. She loved him? That was...everything. She saw his hesitation and took a step forward.

  ‘I am not Cecily. I don’t care about titles. I have no need of a bigger fortune or greater standing in society. None of those things matter to me. I just want you.’ She took another cautious step forward. ‘If that makes you want to run, then go now before I humiliate myself further.’

  Unbelievably, he was disinclined to run. He had promised himself he would never again allow another woman to get under his skin as he had Cecily. But while half of him was terrified by her unexpected confession, the other half—the half that couldn’t resist the lure of the moment or the pull of the woman who stood next to him—was intent on staying exactly where he was. Because she had mined under his defences regardless and inexplicably he discovered he was exceedingly glad for the intrusion. His damaged, scarred heart was bursting with something which felt like joy.

  ‘Oh, Thea...’ He wasn’t going to spoil the moment by considering the ramifications or all the many reasons why it was a bad idea. She loved him.

  Him!

  That was miraculous, all things considered. More miraculous was the way both relief and warmth bloomed in his chest. Instead of running, and because he was imprisoned by those invisible cords, he closed the distance between them and gently pressed his lips to hers.

  It was an honest kiss. Slow, tender and brimming with all the complicated emotional attachments he had avoided for a decade. When she kissed him back, he wound his arms around her and gathered her close, carefully lowering them both to lie on the bank before he deepened the kiss.

  Thea didn’t hold back, slowly running her curious fingers through his hair, over his shoulders and down his spine before tunnelling under his shirt to find skin. He felt the dappled early morning sun on his back as she tugged his shirt off, then rolled him to lie beneath her so her fingers could explore his chest. Where they trailed, her lips followed, torturing him. Good grief, it felt perfect.

  ‘This is dangerous.’ Gray didn’t have the strength to stop her, but then the panicked voice in his head came to the fore as he silently hoped she would come to her senses before he completely lost his. ‘I can’t make any promises.’

  ‘I don’t recall asking for any. I am simply following your advice and giving Impetuous Thea free rein. In this precise moment, she simply wants to kiss you.’

  This was madness. He should put a stop to it. But his fingers had gone to her hair and were pulling out pins. ‘Best not deny her, poor thing. Not when she’s been shut in a box for years.’ Not at all what he should have said for the sake of his heart—yet his heart was soaring. Beating with more purpose than it ever had before. What did that mean?

  He kissed her again and she kissed him back. A heated, open-mouthed kiss that blasted through what was left of his reserve. Let the cards fall where they may. With that acceptance came more relief and joy, both surging through him with such force they made him unsteady. Holding Thea steadied him and anchored him in the present and he realised his heart had not only mended, but was lost again. He wasn’t entirely sure when that had happened, but knew it wasn’t recent. Perhaps he had lost it that first day, when she had stumbled upon him in the brook. He didn’t remember a thunderbolt, but he had felt a connection. One that had grown and thrived. One that felt perfect. So very different from what he had felt for Cecily.

  The woman who didn’t matter any more. The woman who paled into insignificance now that his heart had found Thea.

  As moments went, it was the greatest he had ever experienced. He found himself smiling against her mouth as he accepted his fate and wrestled with veritable ironmongers nestled in her scalp. ‘Exactly how many pins do you have in here?’

  ‘A great many. Otherwise my hair is vertical.’

  ‘I’d like to see that.’ All her fiery hair loose; all her alaba
ster skin uncovered. Utter, utter madness, but those invisible cords were wrapping themselves around them, lashing them comfortably together, and he was powerless to fight them. Not when holding her felt so very right and he never wanted this perfect moment of clarity to end.

  ‘It’s not a pretty sight.’ But she was smiling as she briskly and methodically plucked each pin out, then bent her head forward to shake out the curls. ‘I have wayward hair, too.’

  It was the first time he had seen it completely unbound and the sight of it had more impact than those few fallen tendrils he had glimpsed before that she was forever attempting to tame. He ran his fingers reverently through a long, copper ringlet, tugging out the curl until it was completely straight. To his delight it stretched way past her hips. ‘It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.’ His hands smoothed their way back up her hips, briefly pausing to span her waist before moving up to cup her breasts. ‘You’ve haunted my dreams, Thea. Have since the first day I met you. I am severely sleep deprived.’

  ‘Me, too.’ He loved her earthy giggle. Loved everything about her. Loved that the mere thought of loving her didn’t make him want to run. ‘But we are young and can sleep when we’re dead.’

  He kissed her again, their tongues tangling until his body wanted more. Far more than she might be prepared to offer. But he would wait...

  Wait? That sounded ominously like he was ready to make plans. ‘We should stop. Before this gets out of hand.’

  ‘Very sensible. Is the brook cold?’ She chewed her lip shyly before boldly glancing up at him from beneath her lashes. ‘Only in my dreams, you’re back in there and I am swimming with you.’

  There was no doubt he wanted her. Always had, but this was more than lust and so much more than one reckless moment. Unconsciously, he rubbed the spot in the middle of his ribs. Was she worth the risk? ‘I’m not sure I can do this, Thea. Not again.’ But the voice in his head urged him to gamble once again. It was tempting. She was tempting.

  ‘I don’t want to break your heart, Gray. I want to possess it. There’s a difference. Unlike her, I shall treasure it and look after it.’ Her fingers went to the laces at the back of her dress. He watched, helpless, as the front of her bodice loosened and fell to hang off her shoulders. ‘Although don’t take my word for it. To be completely sure, you should test the theory. Scientifically, of course. If I break your heart, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you were right all along. And if I don’t...’ She stared at him intently. ‘Onwards and upwards. It’s your motto after all. Leave the past in the past where it should be...’ She wiggled her shoulders and the bodice slipped down further, barely covering her breasts. ‘And live in this wonderfully unexpected moment with me.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  Suddenly in a hurry, they both stripped off their clothes. Having never been naked in front of another person before and feeling self-conscious, Thea jumped in the water first, dipping quickly beneath so it covered her to her chin, and shamelessly watched him do the same.

  His body was so different from hers. Broad where hers was slight. Angular where she had curves—and hard. The skin on his shoulders and flat abdomen covered intriguing muscles. He had thighs Harriet would approve of, she realised with a giggle. Strong and taut, as if he had spent many an hour in the saddle, but it was the wholly male part of him which appealed to her more. That, too, was hard. For her. And the prospect excited her and terrified her at the same time.

  Should she be doing this? They barely knew each other, yet she wanted to be intimate with him. It would be the ultimate grand gesture. For the first time in for ever she had found a man she could trust. She felt giddy and euphoric and overwhelmingly glad she’d had the courage to leap.

  Was it too soon?

  Her heart said no. He was, bizarrely, everything she had ever wanted. And if she tweaked her essential attributes list, he ticked every one. Gray was prudent in his own way and gave sensible advice. For a purported scoundrel he was delightfully proper. In fact, he had been more of a gentleman to her than all the gentlemen she had encountered since her come out. Cautious with his heart, but adventurous in all else. It went without saying he was trustworthy and, while he wasn’t completely above reproach, there were reasons why he had behaved as he had in the past. They had both been young and foolish and lived to rue the day. And they had both survived the experience and emerged the stronger for it. She didn’t care if he had no fortune because she knew in her bones he had no interest in such things. He embraced her wayward nature. Enjoyed it. With him, Thea could be herself. He had always brought that out of her, even as she had tried to fight it. When you met the right person, fighting that powerful, all-encompassing emotion was pointless. She understood that now. It was deliciously liberating.

  And he wore his breeches well—although she much preferred him out of them.

  He climbed in and swam towards her, then caught his arm around her waist, pulling her close for a searing kiss. Wet bare skin next to wet bare skin was a revelation. Her body seemed to fit perfectly against his as if it had been made to do exactly that. Thea curled her arms possessively around his neck, flattening her breasts shamelessly against his chest, and enjoyed the way her pebbled, water-chilled nipples tingled at the contact.

  He took his time kissing her. His big hands sliding over her body with aching slowness. Learning its shape and caressing the sensitive places she had not known she possessed until he touched them. Unable to stop herself, Thea’s hands also went exploring, marvelling at the feel of the smattering of dark hair on his chest and the way he shuddered when her fingers grazed his nipples. It emboldened her to allow her palms to journey south, until she could tentatively trace the hard, hot shape of him with her fingertip. She watched his eyes close and his Adam’s apple bob as he fought for control, until he could stand no more, wrapping his fist about her hand as he schooled her in how to hold him properly. Boldly.

  Then he kissed her again, filling his hands with her needy breasts which were screaming for his touch, his thumbs doing wicked things to them which made her cry out in a voice she didn’t recognise. A carnal, desperate sound that wanted more. So much more.

  As if sensing that, he lifted her so that her over-sensitive nipples came level with his face and took one scandalously into his mouth, flicking the tip with his tongue and smiling against it as she moaned and writhed against him. Suspended in the water, all she could do was cling on to his shoulders as he thoroughly worshipped that breast before he moved slowly to the other. Torturing her with unspeakable pleasure until her legs were locked wantonly around his hips, her body throbbing with need, his hardness jutting against her with all the forbidden promise she had always secretly craved. So close, but yet so far from where she desperately needed it to be.

  Of its own accord, her body positioned herself to take him, feeling the whole length of him harden further at the encouragement. ‘There are other things we can do...we don’t have to do this.’ He voice was gravelly and breathless, laced with desire.

  ‘Don’t you want to?’ Because she did. Thea had passed the point of no return and was ready to commit herself completely. There was no point executing a giant leap of faith to falter at the end. That wasn’t a grand gesture when she was in the mood to be scandalously grand and shamelessly bold. She wanted to experience all of the things Harriet had alluded to. Wanted to feel such passion that she lost her head and he lost his.

  ‘Of course I want to. But there are implications...’

  ‘Forget them.’ She moved her hips to caress him shamelessly, felt his fingers flex against her waist. Heard his laboured breathing as he fought the inevitable. ‘Just make love to me, Gray.’

  He hesitated for a second, clearly at war with himself. She recognised the second the lure of the moment won, because his beautiful, silvery, wolf-like eyes darkened and locked intently on hers. He watched her as he entered her, as he slowly lowered her body in the cool water to take
all of him. His eyes closed only briefly as she winced slightly at the intrusion, as if he shared her pain, and she loved him for that, his strong arms holding her steady as the slight discomfort passed.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. I trust you to make it right.’

  He kissed her with such tenderness then that she knew she had made the right decision. ‘I will. I promise.’

  ‘I thought you could make no promises?’ She didn’t wait for his answer, knowing that it might not be at all what she wanted to hear or was ready to accept. Instead, she ignored his brief hesitation and the wary look in his eyes, kissing both away, then losing herself in his kisses and the blissful sensation of him moving inside her.

  Neither spoke then. He offered her no promises and no flowery compliments, but he loved her body with such determined and sustained intensity, it didn’t matter that so many important things were left unsaid. This was as daunting for him as it was for her. Nothing needed to be settled in the heat of this glorious moment—although for her so much was.

  As the last rational thoughts fled from her head, she told him how she felt. If he was not ready to hear the words that was too bad, because she was ready to feel them and say them. ‘I love you, Gray. I want to spend for ever with you.’

  His answer was a kiss so intense it sent her over the edge. As she tumbled over the second, unexpected precipice, she wrapped her arms and legs tight around his body and dragged him with her. Through the roaring chaos in her head and through the powerful sensations which had possessed her body, she heard his voice. The quiet whisper so close to her ear, choked with emotion and desire.

  ‘God help me, but I love you, too, Thea.’

  * * *